Compassionate Celebration

Publicity, promotion and advertising happily portray the festive season as joyful and peaceful, a time of rekindled friendships and expressions of love. We would all certainly wish it to be so but feeling happy, smiling and enjoying yourself isn't something you can fabricate. At times when things are not as you would wish, or you fall short, pretending can make you feel unloved and alone, even or perhaps especially in a crowd. At these times what can you do?

This is a time for compassion, compassion towards yourself:
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• First, challenge your autopilot response: Tell yourself "this is a moment of discomfort". Allow yourself to feel this in your body, perhaps a tightness in the chest, a gripping in the gut, feeling hot or something else. 
• Second, recognise your common humanity: discomfort is a part of normal life (not everything can be perfect) and many others react in similar ways when triggered by events.
• Third, reconnect with yourself, perhaps internally , saying "I'm sorry you're struggling right now, this is hard" (just like you would to a close friend) and allow yourself to feel understood and seen by yourself.
• Fourth, appreciate this isn't all about you: This is part of everyone's human experience, you are not uniquely useless, inadequate, hopeless. We all feel like this at times.
• Forgive yourself for not understanding and softly smile.

For those times when others don’t behave as you would expect or desire, repeat as above but also:
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• Consider how reasonable is it that they conform to your standards and norms. Remember your emotions are caused in your reaction to this person. Other people might not find the same behaviour annoying at all.

• Relax the tension inside your head around your brain and let your heart open.

• Reflect whether their background, life experience and unawareness is the driver behind behaviour or attitude that appears lacking. If you create space for yourself in this way you'll begin to see more clearly in challenging situations and start to recognise expressions in others that are limited, reduced and contracted in some way. Notice the familiar deeply worn groove in yourself that you're invited to travel down in response and how different this freer space of non-emotive reaction is. Smile as you feel your way into a new and kinder engagement.

Allow yourself to ride whatever waves come your way this holiday, and sustain yourself by being conscious of making your best effort. Each time you smile and get back on your board, you’ll find yourself living in a more loving world that you have yourself created.
 
Happy surfing this holiday

Hugh and Sarah x