What to do when it feels like one step forward and two steps back?

First of all we need to encourage some space around our mindset.  It’s so easy to fall into tramlined patterns of negative thinking. It’s not about avoiding difficult realities but making sure that our habitual thinking doesn’t automatically add to our feeling worse.  
 
Then we need a healthy honesty and ask ourselves; “Given what we are facing right now, where can I make a difference and where can’t I?” It’s an understandable reflex to focus on what can’t be done and worry about that. Learning instead to shift our attention to face towards what can be done, where we can make a difference even if it’s small or seemingly insignificant, helps us move forward.
 
When we find ourselves anxious or low it is really important to challenge the harsh inner commentary and critic and invite in a kinder and more forgiving voice. It’s not easy, but learning this mental agility and softer approach is invaluable. 
 
Recognising that circumstances and fortunes ebb and flow is a hard but helpful reflection. We generally resent change when it disrupts our view of ourselves or our world.  We can feel uncomfortable reviewing aspects of our lives that felt certain only to suddenly realise their impermanence.
 
Our assumptions of continuity and perhaps entitlement are kicked into touch when we see clearly, and although a difficult perspective to take onboard, it can help us shape things differently in the future. Coming to terms with this new reality helps free our mind to think with innovation and creativity, essential qualities for us to adjust and find a surer footing for stepping forward.

​Four weeks ago, my last face to face teaching seemed a bit out there as I talked about how Sukhita Yoga looks after us both through life and as preparation for death. Socially we’re not too comfortable broaching the subject of the fullness of our life-cycle but in the short space of time that has passed since then, we find ourselves catapulted into a stark new reality. Some of our old certainties seem so shallow and unreliable in compelling contrast to the familiarity of the changing seasons which we find stimulating and reassuring. Change is upon us and is coming from the outside in, challenging our habits, attitudes, our coping strategies and values. It is the biggest shake up for our generation and a clarion call to wake up and live with greater awareness, love and responsibility.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been struck just how different our experience of these changing circumstances can be. It’s striking to reflect…

…. how some of our students appreciate the break from stressful work, others are working flat out, some are in key worker families and at the front-line of extreme physical, psychological and emotional pressure, others already have no income from self-employed roles which have abruptly come to a stop and are dealing with the immediate anxiety of seeking support, some live alone and are denied the social lives that gave connection and interaction, still others are focused on adapting to and evolving with the new circumstances. There is commonality of cause and huge diversity of affect.

….how differently society is responding. After initially being caught up in our uncertainty, there are wonderful initiatives of support for the NHS, recognition of personal responsibility and individual acts of kindness and self-sacrifice. In contrast others have been lost in denial with their rejection of social distancing and presumably also the impact of their action.

……how mind states are volatile and deeply challenging when we feel our status quo and expectation of the future is threatened and how clear the dilemmas surrounding the human condition appear at times like this. It’s more obvious now on a collective level to recognise the enormous value of yoga and meditation to help ease the suffering we feel and renew our values and direction.

…how we are being invited to see the earth re-flowering without our polluting imprint, with dolphins in the waters of Venice and views of the Himalayas not seen in 30 years…..affirming just how intertwined our actions are with the planet we inhabit.

…how peoples of different nations and continents are united in a shared vulnerability, facing a disease that knows no borders, walls or other divisions that control and divide….inviting us all wherever we are to question our response more deeply and our shared connection.

It is time to take a long and patient look at our contribution to where we find ourselves. Governments, like all of us are human, flawed and temporary and more often reflect the society that elected them. We have driven ourselves in the West into so many dead ends fuelled by ideologies like “the market knows best” and the relentless pursuit of growth, rising markets and limitless consumer choice. Climate change has been on our lips but not enough in our hearts. When we indebt ourselves, consume more than we can sustain in the present, be it financially, morally or spiritually we mortgage our future. It’s the same with the world we live in, when we consume more than it can sustain we too mortgage its future. Right now we have a unique opportunity to witness the impact of a global change of direction, one that would have been politically impossible to bring about (think of the limited success of all the climate change summits) to taste a reduced consuming lifestyle and understand the impact at an individual level and to ask ourselves, which future do we want, because they each have a cost. How would you feel about saving the vast coral reefs, the wildlife of the Serengeti, the glaciers of the Himalaya’s or the forests of the Amazon if it meant giving up the choice to see them?

As an inspiring and realistic boss of mine used to say when faced with the seemingly impossible “we are where we are”. Being grounded in the present moment is the only place from which we can make real and meaningful change, whatever has come before.

So it feels particularly important that we now spend time growing a sense of spaciousness for a wider awareness and explore what it means to have individual and collective responsibility. This process of expansion has always been a natural part of spiritual retreat and will allow us to prepare for new beginnings as our old norms move out of view. We should not be surprised about feeling lost and afraid. Riding change on this scale and relinquishing old habits will not be easy for any of us.

This is why our practice is so helpful and important…it clears and prepares the way, giving us little steps to take and showing us greater perspectives beyond our own small and sometimes fragile identity. Mind states are happily not permanent and it’s comforting to recognise that we are more like clay than we might imagine and can be moulded and re-moulded with the intentions we set for ourselves and the presence we grow within us.

For now our task is to strengthen our capacity for inner space, to sense our way forward and find balance in this turbulence. We need to set a direction that teaches us how to take care of ourselves, how to turn towards the difficult with love and compassion, how to rise when we feel broken and how in turn to expand our understanding, love and compassion towards others. None of this is a quick fix but with patient practice each small step becomes a path as extraordinary as life itself.

Here is a suggestion to help you over the days, weeks and months ahead:
​
Spend time in nature, go barefoot if you can and let yourself relax into the weight of your body in contact with the ground, breathe. Don’t be in a rush to move on and entertain your mind. Wait, let your thoughts move on by, smile and relax, feel your breath, make the mental effort to rest with your breath and not give in to restlessness and move away. Keep going for a few minutes and gradually with practice increase this time. Encourage yourself, knowing that when you do this you are growing your inner reserves for balance and the space where you will feel your intentions for the way ahead and plant the seeds for love.

​If you are unable to go outside, bring a plant or something natural in your line of sight so your eyes can relax with organic shape and colour and then begin.

This being human


“Humans are funny things. They seem to be constantly searching for external happiness when they need look no further than inside themselves.”


I enjoyed this quote from a student of ours when we were talking together about relationships. It succinctly sums up how we can easily miss the actual one that would make a big difference, looking instead and repeatedly in all the wrong places for that “feel good” factor, that’s often quick to come, quick to go.


It begs the question: “Why don’t we do it?”


The hard to swallow truth is that we’ve mostly learnt to avoid, deny or run away from the experience of vulnerability felt in the body, often a buried part of us that we have not exposed to scrutiny or kindness; perhaps a sensation of hollowing or emptying or an uncomfortable tightening somewhere inside us that manifests in obvious moments of escalating tension but also the more obscure.


A “stiff upper lip” approach down the generations has not done us any favours when it comes to learning and valuing emotional literacy and curiosity about embodied inquiry. Instead it can appear to be an easy fix to succumb to habits that make us temporarily feel at ease….but the impact is never long lasting and so we can develop patterns that keep us prisoners of our own unconscious making.


This begs the question: “What can we do about this condition of being human?”


Well, there is a long answer, but the short one is I am reminded of a reply a 10 year old student gave me when I asked what he had learnt so far:


“Yoga is like a second home.
I can feel myself.
I can look after my mental health and my wellbeing.”


It’s moments like this that the future for being human feels full of promise and hope.

We are all daily being reminded of the impact of our unsustainable use of the world’s resources. Our collective lack of awareness and reluctance to listen to our intuitive wisdom failed to recognise what’s there to be seen. Whilst we cannot continue our own addiction to growth if it means the exploitation and depletion of what we most depend upon, we do each have the power to more consciously guide our future choices. It’s said that we only find the motivation to change when the consequences directly impact us. Here lies the hope.


The idea that sustainability of energy and resources affects us in the most intimate way is less understood in the developed world. In our daily life we’re encouraged to let our consciousness flow outwardly, connecting through our senses with the world around us. It’s where we find engagement, excitement, stimulation and look for reward and meaning as well as the opposite. It’s what has driven us to seek for reward and meaning through the material and this has fed our addictions and thrown our inner compass off course.


When we learn to direct our flow of consciousness inwardly, we realise the human mind and body are a rich landscape ripe for discovery. Coming to understand ourselves beyond our outward physical shape and form enables us to connect with taking responsibility for our own resources, our energetic life force. Like any landscape, once discovered it is there for plundering or respecting and revering. This is what we practice in yoga….. creating an energetic balance within ourselves that is dynamic, sustainable and deeply caring rather than striving or forcing our minds and bodies in an outward way that is completely at odds with our true nature. What we then learn within ourselves becomes the mirror for a more balanced relationship with the outer world…and so, as we learn to harness our own resources we understand at an essential level our collective responsibility to harness the earth sustainably for the good of all.

It is moments of true connection in life that are really memorable and touch us deeply. From random meetings where we recognize a kindred spirit or times spent in nature to rewarding relationships, our life presents many opportunities to connect with a richer sense of being.

When we are preoccupied with past events or anticipating what’s ahead, we can so easily miss moments like these, caught up in the busyness of our lives. Being on autopilot we unintentionally close ourselves down to many possibilities for connection and increase our vulnerability to being out of balance through stress, anxiety, anger and low mood.

What can we do?

Learning to recognise we are on autopilot is the first step towards cultivating a greater sense of connection. This awareness through self-inquiry is part of many different religions and ancient philosophies and in modern times has come to the attention of medical science and psychotherapy as a route to mental health and wellbeing.

Today the effectiveness of ancient meditation practice has been scientifically measured and proven. This research has given much wider acceptance to the importance of mind body awareness in creating connection and the practices like mindfulness that cultivate this.

Another accessible and popular approach is yoga. It invites us to re-discover and harness our own energy in a sustainable way and direct it towards greater connection with our body and mind. This moves us beyond simple physical accomplishment to a different relationship with ourselves, others and the environment.

In this month's blog Sarah writes about Opening to the fullness of life and how all we need that is already within us.
 
To be awake in your body, to know its expression, to feel connection as well as vulnerability is to be fully alive.

By coming to know your inner landscape and how to embrace space, the chains of impulse fall away and a new wisdom and freedom of choice appears.
 
We can each create a home in ourselves where we can learn to trust again……to feel the whole of who we are, to recognise and celebrate the dance of life within us.

The more we can learn to relax our mental chatter and allow the flow of life to move towards our hearts, we invite the energy within us to find a harmony that transcends physical experience.
 
Renewing our most intimate conversations with connection, generosity and vulnerability opens a journey of discovery that leads us towards the essence of our life. 

Wherever we find ourselves, and whatever has gone before, we each have the capacity to transform and immerse ourselves in the freeing and healing power of nature. As we allow our energies to dance and embrace space we open our hearts afresh to merging with the fullness of life.

​Lionel Smit's monumental Janus head scuplture where individual faces emerge from a joint origin their empty eyes averted 2014

“Observe the wonders as they
occur around you,
don’t claim them,
feel the artistry moving
through and be silent” Rumi
 
It’s tempting to be impatient in any practice or direction in life; all too often we can power through or give up because we want outward results fast, but as a consequence, progress of a more rounded nature is stunted. Our body and mind is not something to be conquered, battled against or suppressed, but a source of wisdom.
 
If we can learn to connect with the deepest parts of ourselves whether in yoga, dance or other movement approaches, we can begin to lay bare the inner patterns of holding in the body that restrict us. Setting a direction that is inclusive, physically, mentally and emotionally, we open different doors. 
 
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them” Einstein
 
Subtle awareness, both of the energetic body and the feel of the mind, develops our curiosity around our inner movement patterns and what they tell us about our triggered reactions, our complexity and expressions of ego.  It’s the beginning of a process of powerful transformation that directs us towards a deeper knowing of ourselves, both light and dark.
 
Gradually we can learn to become more comfortable around our imperfections, feeling our way through the body to open the door to the love and compassion for ourselves that has been missing.
 

 "And still, after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe Me."

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky." 
Hafez
 
Poems can have that magical quality of connecting us to deeper and timeless truths. These words from a distant time and place (in 14th C Persia) seemingly have wings to fly lightly and directly to our hearts reminding us of our potential to shine from within. Finding wisdom that is not just rational but heartfelt is precious: it encourages us to lead with generosity and inspires us to do the work to heal the darker and heavier side of experience. 
 
The physicality of the heart’s sorrows are real: we speak of a “heavy heart”, a heart “broken to pieces”, “wrenched in two” or “torn apart”, and how a heart can “ache”, be “weary”, “cold” and “lonesome”. Sooner or later events or death will touch us deep inside however much we might wish for escape.
 
Being with these sensations is not easy; but our greater difficulty is that in avoiding them we also turn away from the very experience of light and lightness in our life we seek. Instead we bury our feelings so they sink and solidify into dark grooves and heavy patterns. CS Lewis in The Four Loves describes how high the stakes can be when we avoid the vulnerability difficult sensation connects us with:
 
“Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” 
 
So if not avoidance, what can we do? 
 
Firstly to recognise that it’s our responsibility to take care of ourselves rather than to wait expectantly, to be easy and not guilty around activities that support our healing.  We can start with small things, the simple and blameless, seeking out experiences that bring us joy and where we feel a sense of openness and lightness however short or fleeting. We need to give ourselves permission to relax into sensations that may have become a distant memory.
 
Secondly to seek out the company of those we trust who support us in the direction we are taking who understand and value our growth without judgment.
 
Then as we reconnect with a lighter, more open expression of ourselves we can begin to explore with kindness our inner landscape, learning to soften and dissolve the layers of tension held deep within us.  Taking this time and care to hold our reactions in a way that is relaxed and alert opens us up to a positive connection with vulnerability. This is our gateway to renewal and sharing with others a re-discovered lightness and light of our hearts.